Love. Where does it fit in the way you lead?
I was part of a conversation today that stopped me in my tracks. I’m really grateful to be working at the moment with a group of Pasifika leaders (me working with a very cool NZ team to make it all happen; the group of leaders Zooming in on internet service that is being kept alive through technical genius at their end!)
We were talking about values and how they drive leadership behaviour. When I asked the group to come up with their own set of values, I found what happened next both deeply inspiring and challenging. The starter list of values we provided was pretty good (I thought). When reporting back, the word that came out top for this group was not on that list of Western concepts at all. What had they each come up with?…love. Why should that stop me in my tracks? A few reasons.
About 15 minutes before this, the three burly guys who reported back “love” had been bouncing laughs around the room about rugby league being the only other sport worth their time apart from rugby, about owning every position on the rugby field, and about how many yams they could eat in one sitting (a lot). It was one of those times as a facilitator where you are pretty sure you can get the room back, but nobody really knows! Yet, when they were asked about their values, everything changed. These guys went straight to family, and how much love guides them in what they do, and – in turn – how much they wanted that to come through in their leadership style.
I filter everything I do through the lens of belonging. I believe it’s so important for building successful teams, and I’ll talk about connection, care, and clarity until the cows come home. But I don’t tend to use the word love. It just doesn’t seem like something we’re ready to bring into our world of work (I note that aroha is commonly used though…I wonder why that feels more comfortable than the word love?)
I work with a lot of different groups. Like, heaps (so much so, this is the first piece I’ve written in about a month – there’s a lot happening!) In all my work, it’s the first time I’ve had someone come back to me with “love” at the top of their list…except for one guy…
…A few years ago I was at a dinner hosted by Sir John Kirwan. At the end of the night he sat down with each table and just chatted, When he got to our table he did the same and asked what I did. “Leadership work with people starting out in their career”. Then he asked me what I thought made the difference when it came to leadership (great question, JK). I might have been a bit starstruck, and I’m pretty sure I mumbled stuff like being authentic, knowing your people, clear vision, etc. He stopped me, repeated back what I’d said, and asked me what I’d missed. “Mumble mumble…dunno”. His response? “Love”. His view was that it’s the game changer – the thing we can encourage our leaders to demonstrate that will make the difference in our organisations. I’d forgotten about that conversation until three jokey, animated, light-hearted blokes reflected for three minutes and all chose the same word.
So what to do with all this? Well, I don’t really know. I still think we’re a bit weird about using the word love in organisations. To be honest, I feel a bit nervous even writing about it; I just don’t know where it fits in what we think about leadership here in Aotearoa. What I do think is this: whatever word you use, what are you doing that demonstrates to your people that they belong; that you share a connection with them; that you care deeply about their wellbeing, their growth and their success?
Love. Where does it fit in the way you lead?