Really? A best friend at work?

In my 20+ years of working with leaders and their teams, there's one thing that reliably gets a reaction like no other.

It comes from Gallup's Q12 – twelve questions that their research shows are highly predictive of team performance. They revolve around things like clarity, recognition, development, belonging. And one of them, every single time, makes leaders bristle:

I have a best friend at work.

I get it. I really do. “I keep work and friends separate.” “I'd never work with my actual best friend – it’d be a disaster.” “I’m not inviting my workmate to my [insert wedding/birthday/long weekend of wineries and café breakfasts]. All probably true. But here's what I think Gallup is actually asking: is there someone at work who’s got your back? And is there someone whose back you’ve got?

Because the workplace is full of social risk. Every time you try something new, put your hand up, step into something uncertain, your threat sensors are pinging. You worry about looking stupid. About being the outsider. And in those moments, you need to know someone is in your corner.

It’s not your manager – that’s their job anyway. Someone else. A teammate. A peer in another team. Someone who'll help you pressure-test your thinking without it being high stakes. Someone who celebrates your wins like they mean it.

Gallup's data shows that people in high performing teams (not just those who hit a peak, but the ones who hold it over extended periods of time) are far more likely to answer the best friend question favourably. My read on why? It's not really about friendship. It's a proxy for mutual care. Mutual care makes it safe enough to take risks, try things that may or may not work, and bring the most collaborative, daring, creative versions of ourselves to work. And mutual care relies on an environment where people can connect with each other in ways that make it safe enough to take those risks.

As a leader, the enabling environment bit is on you. What are you doing this week to create a space where people are building the kinds of connections that feel like a best friend at work?